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THE BEST EROTİC STORY

When I became a horny maniac a few months ago ...

When I became a sex maniac a few months ago, I immediately worried that the Caveman might not be able to handle me - satisfy me. I didn't see that it would take time for us to really learn how to have sex together (duh!). But over these weeks of having a lot of love making and writing stories about it, we've really come along way (couldn't resist the pun).

Every time we have sex it's a little different, a little saucier, a little sexier: sometimes because it's naughtier, sometimes because it's gentler, and always because it's starting to feel completely unscripted. By writing these sex stories, I figure out what I like, what I want more of, what rocks my housewyfely world. And the Caveman seems to really be getting his groove on, instinctively knowing how to completely turn me on and get me off.

I think that's how and why I ended up with his big toe in my pussy the other night. I love that spontaneous kind of weirdity.

And I would have loved some of that last night but my saucy teaser boy was busy working. AGAIN. But don't worry. I got through it. After reading some erotic sex blogs yesterday by other women who also feel like their libidos are about seventeen stories higher than their husbands can climb, I realized that I will do myself a big favour if I really stop depending on my husband so much for my own sexual pleasure.

There's been a lot of sex toy-shopping talk going on, and I'm going to figure out how to get that done this week. And I'm also going to send myself to Masturbation Improvement School. I'm sure I can be doing better by making use of all that lovely sexual tension that Caveman tosses my way.

Last night I did Lesson One: Erotic Anal Pleasure. I learned that a very-well lubed slender object inserted in the ass is a tremendous asset to the clit orgasm. Holy jeez, Louise. I am totally digging the anal sex thing. It gives this constant deliciously good feeling, unlike clit or g-spot stimulation which rises and falls for me (which is it's own good thing but not this good thing). If I gently move the ass insert while putting the vibrator around my clit and vagina: BING BOOM BANG. A stellar orgasm if there ever was one. I was fabulous if I do say so myself. And I will still love me in the morning.

I felt so good afterward that I cleaned up and got right into bed to go to sleep. Wishful thinking. And after about 4 minutes I wanted it all again. LOL. The sexual desire was overwhelming. There would be no sleep for me until I burned off a little more lust. I would have paid serious money to have the Caveman show up right then and take me from behind. Any available opening, I wouldn't have cared. Except we haven't had anal sex (penetration with his penis) yet, so we have some slow and gentle, highly-lubed practice to do first. Oh, so much to look forward to, so many sexy stories to write!

I made due with my fingers penetrating and a generous helping of Astroglide. Hail Astroglide! The second orgasm was so brilliantly intense that I was able to fall asleep before my inner devil begged for more sex. A full night's sleep is a perimenopausal women's dream.

And look, I got through my whole erotic sex story here without blushing or deleting. That's another great step for this woman kind. I'm horny all over again, but it is a new day ...

ORAL SEX AND INDIANS

KAMA SUTRA AND ORAL SEX

There are two kinds of eunuchs, those that are disguised as males, and those that are disguised as females. Eunuchs disguised as females imitate their dress, speech, gestures, tenderness, timidity, simplicity, softness and bashfulness. The acts that are done on the jaghana or middle parts of women, are done in the mouths of these eunuchs, and this is called Auparishtaka. These eunuchs derive their imaginable pleasure, and their livelihood from this kind of congress, and they lead the life of courtesans. So much concerning eunuchs disguised as females.

Eunuchs disguised as males keep their desires secret, and when they wish to do anything they lead the life of shampooers. Under the pretence of shampooing, a eunuch of this kind embraces and draws towards himself the thighs of the man whom he is shampooing, and after this he touches the joints of his thighs and his jaghana, or central portions of his body. Then, if he finds the lingam of the man erect, he presses it with his hands and chaffs him for getting into that state. If after this, and after knowing his intention, the man does not tell the eunuch to proceed, then the latter does it of his own accord and begins the congress. If however he is ordered by the man to do it, then he disputes with him, and only consents at last with difficulty.

The following eight things are then done by the eunuch (fellatio) one after the other:

The nominal congress
Biting the sides
Pressing outside
Pressing inside
Kissing
Rubbing
Sucking a mango fruit
Swallowing up

At the end of each of these, the eunuch expresses his wish to stop, but when one of them is finished, the man desires him to do another, and after that is done, then the one that follows it, and so on.

When, holding the man's lingam (penis) with his hand, and placing it between his lips, the eunuch moves about his mouth, it is called the 'nominal congress'.

When, covering the end of the lingam with his fingers collected together like the bud of a plant or flower, the eunuch presses the sides of it with his lips, using his teeth also, it is called 'biting the sides'.

When, being desired to proceed, the eunuch presses the end of the lingam with his lips closed together, and kisses it as if he were drawing it out, it is called the 'outside pressing'.

When, being asked to go on, he puts the lingam further into his mouth, and presses it with his lips and then takes it out, it is called the 'inside pressing'.

When, holding the lingam in his hand, the eunuch kisses it as if he were kissing the lower lip, it is called 'kissing'.

When, after kissing it, he touches it with his tongue everywhere, and passes the tongue over the end of it, it is called 'rubbing'.

When, in the same way, he puts the half of it into his mouth, and forcibly kisses and sucks it, this is called 'sucking a mango fruit'.

And lastly, when, with the consent of the man, the eunuch puts the whole lingam into his mouth, and presses it to the very end, as if he were going to swallow it up, it is called 'swallowing up'.

Striking, scratching, and other things may also be done during this kind of congress.

The Auparishtaka (fellatio) is practiced also by unchaste and wanton women, female attendants and serving maids, i.e. those who are not married to anybody, but who live by shampooing.

The Acharyas (i.e. ancient and venerable authors) are of opinion that this Auparishtaka is the work of a dog and not of a man, because it is a low practice, and opposed to the orders of the Holy Writ, and because the man himself suffers by bringing his lingam into contact with the mouths of eunuchs and women. But Vatsyayana says that the orders of the Holy Writ do not affect those who resort to courtesans, and the law prohibits the practice of the Auparishtaka with married women only. As regards the injury to the male, that can be easily remedied.

The people of Eastern India do not resort to women who practice the Auparishtaka.

The people of Ahichhatra resort to such women, but do nothing with them, so far as the mouth is concerned.

The people of Saketa do with these women every kind of mouth congress, while the people of Nagara do not practice this, but do every other thing.

The people of the Shurasena country, on the southern bank of the Jumna, do everything without any hesitation, for they say that women being naturally unclean, no one can be certain about their character, their purity, their conduct, their practices, their confidences, or their speech. They are not however on this account to be abandoned, because religious law, on the authority of which they are reckoned pure, lays down that the udder of a cow is clean at the time of milking, though the mouth of a cow, and also the mouth of her calf, are considered unclean by the Hindoos. Again a dog is clean when he seizes a deer in hunting, though food touched by a dog is otherwise considered very unclean. A bird is clean when it causes a fruit to fall from a tree by pecking at it, though things eaten by crows and other birds are considered unclean. And the mouth of a woman is clean for kissing and such like things at the time of sexual intercourse. Vatsyayana moreover thinks that in all these things connected with love, everybody should act according to the custom of his country, and his own inclination.

There are also the following verses on the subject:

'The male servants of some men carry on the mouth congress with their masters. It is also practiced by some citizens, who know each other well, among themselves. Some women of the harem, when they are amorous, do the acts of the mouth on the yonis of one another, and some men do the same thing with women. The way of doing this (i.e. of kissing the yoni) should be known from kissing the mouth.

When a man and woman lie down in an inverted order, i.e. with the head of the one towards the feet of the other and carry on this congress, it is called the "congress of a crow".'

For the sake of such things courtesans abandon men possessed of good qualities, liberal and clever, and become attached to low persons, such as slaves and elephant drivers. The Auparishtaka, or mouth congress, should never be done by a learned Brahman, by a minister that carries on the business of a state, or by a man of good reputation, because though the practice is allowed by the Shastras, there is no reason why it should be carried on, and need only be practiced in particular cases. As for instance, the taste, and the strength, and the digestive qualities of the flesh of dogs are mentioned in works on medicine, but it does not therefore follow that it should be eaten by the wise. In the same way there are some men, some places and some times, with respect to which these practices can be made use of. A man should therefore pay regard to the place, to the time, and to the practice which is to be carried out, as also as to whether it is agreeable to his nature and to himself, and then he may or may not practice these things according to circumstances. But after all, these things being done secretly, and the mind of the man being fickle, how can it be known what any person will do at any particular time and for any particular purpose.

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